Tiggy has completed her morning patrol and is pleased to report that all remains broadly under control.
As a member of the National Union of Avian Employees (NUAE), it has been confirmed that Mrs Peckhurst’s union representative, Mr Bernard Thistlethwaite, NUAE Regional Case Officer (Cheshire West), is flying into the Office later today to represent her in person.
Buzz and Toffee have both received formal written warnings for deliberately avoiding weekend overtime. Now that Harley has retrieved the wee tap shoes scattered from Box 1, they have also been instructed not to leave the Office until a complete recount is finished. Any resulting overtime will attract only their regular rate of 1.1 sausages per hour (subject to standard 16.25% Sausage Tax), rather than their usual overtime rate of 1.75 sausages (subject to enhanced 46.79% Sausage Tax).
Further examination of yesterday’s photographic evidence has established that the duck pictured with a microphone and PA system was not at Chester Station. This raises the concerning possibility that the duck (you know the one) is recruiting other ducks to spread his message elsewhere on the railway network. The Office asks George, The Stourbridge Station Cat to remain vigilant and report any sightings of evangelical ducks with PA systems and/or unusually large quantities of pamphlets.
Auditions for the Synchronised Tap & Parasol Dance Troupe will reopen at noon today. Mrs Peckhurst reminds candidates that practising choreography while queuing for the Staff Census remains strictly prohibited. Any ant found tapping, pirouetting or otherwise rehearsing in the queue will be required to assist the Department for Cleaning & Environmental Hygiene with the removal of bird droppings and other undesirable deposits from Platform 5.
The Department for Ceremonial Affairs wishes to remind all that Tiggy’s 7th birthday is this Saturday, 22 August. Preparations remain stalled, largely because Tiggy’s expectations regarding the scale of celebrations have yet to be reconciled with the rather more modest ideas of her Personal Private Secretary.
Tiggy gone back to bed, please keep noise to a minimum.