The Office can confirm that Tiggy has completed her morning patrol and that matters remain broadly under control.
The Department for Foreign Affairs & International Relations confirms that the second field operative deployed to follow Field Operative Phileas Moss Esq’s trail has now reached Costa Coffee (nearside to the ticket barrier). While there has still been no direct communication from Mr Moss, the Department for Auditing & Financial Compliance reports that it has received another instalment of his expenses report, which is currently being reviewed.
Despite repeated announcements that the ballot remains suspended following Mrs Peckhurst’s resignation, large numbers of creatures continue to gather on Platform 5. The Office respectfully requests that all prospective voters return home and await an official announcement regarding the reopening of the ballot. Toffee and Buzz have neither the ability nor the authority to oversee voting, no further information is available at this time, and no amount of croaking, squawking, squeaking, mewing, barking, hissing or buzzing will change that.
The Department for Health & Safety (Ant Division) reminds all fleas, ticks and other opportunistic parasites that both Harley and Toffee are fully up to date with their preventative parasite treatments and have successfully completed the mandatory Parasite Awareness & Prevention Training Programme in accordance with Section 45(a)(i), Appendix B, of the Canine Workplace Manual. The Office accepts no responsibility for injuries resulting from unauthorised attempts to board either dog.
The duck (you know the one – Greggs bag, protest placard…) has begun distributing leaflets outlining his increasingly enthusiastic views on mortality, destiny and personal enlightenment. Commuters are advised to avoid eye contact and dispose of any unwanted literature responsibly.
The Office can confirm that Mrs Peckhurst’s position remains unchanged. Tiggy continues to consider the matter carefully.
Tiggy has now retired to her office for morning snacks and naps and wishes all passengers, staff and creatures a pleasant day.