From: Mrs Emmeline Peckhurst, Interim Assistant Deputy Acting Head of Avian Affairs & Flying Mammals (Platform 5/6 Division)
CC: Department for Elections & Governance; Department for Canine Resources
Dear Harley,
Firstly, may I express my sincere thanks for so promptly dispatching Buzz and Toffee to assist me with Employee of the Week voting over the weekend. However, I regret to inform you that their professionalism was not of the standard one might reasonably expect.
Buzz seemed rather more intent on intimidating a family of squirrels protesting on Platform 6 than handing out ballot papers. When I questioned her on the matter, she simply responded, “Well, I am half terrier,” which I’m afraid is an unacceptable explanation from a Senior Human Behaviour Analyst.
As for Toffee, whilst I am pleased to report that, since her recent resit of Module 22a (“How to Ensure You Are Counting the Correct Ballot Papers”), she is now considerably more confident in counting the correct papers, her grasp of numbers remains entirely rudimentary. When I caught her muttering, “One, two, miss a few, ninety-nine, one hundred,” before insisting her figures were “near enough”, it became clear that I would have to conduct a complete recount.
As if that were not enough, they then both got the zoomies, sending ballot papers, birds and insects flying in every conceivable direction. At this point I had no choice but to dispatch them back to the racecourse to relieve themselves of their silliness.
I mentioned the matter to Tiggy, and she has suggested that, as an inter-departmental matter, we should endeavour to resolve the issue between ourselves. One therefore trusts the matter will be dealt with appropriately.
Yours sincerely,
Mrs Emmeline Peckhurst
Interim Assistant Deputy Acting Head of Avian Affairs & Flying Mammals (Platform 5/6 Division)