Firstly, may I thank Tiggy for providing much-needed constitutional clarity. Whilst one appreciates that the extension of voting rights to all eligible flying creatures is undoubtedly a triumph for democracy, I would like to respectfully point out that I remain one pigeon.
As Interim Assistant Deputy Acting Head of Avian Affairs & Flying Mammals (Platform 5/6 Division), I was already managing the Employee of the Week ballot, overseeing demonstrations on Platform 6 and attempting to distinguish between bats and moths. I must now additionally facilitate the vote for potentially millions of newly enfranchised insects, and that’s without considering the fact that Flying Ant Day is due to occur any day now.
I would therefore please appeal once again to the Department for Careers & Recruitment and ask that they fill the post of Administrative Support Assistant (Avian Affairs) post haste!
In addition, I would like to politely enquire as to how the Department for Foreign Affairs & International Relations is progressing in its efforts to procure an Avian Translation Expert and now also respectfully request that consideration be given to appointing an Insect Translation Expert. I am not an entomologist and therefore cannot reasonably be expected to be fluent in the language of buzz.
In the meantime, I kindly ask all newly enfranchised voters to remain patient, queue in an orderly fashion and refrain from swarming the platform.
Yours,
Mrs Emmeline Peckhurst
Interim Assistant Deputy Acting Head of Avian Affairs & Flying Mammals (Platform 5/6 Division)