Tiggy has reviewed this morning’s departmental reports and is pleased to report that all remains broadly under control.
🦆 The Duck (you know the one) remains in a coma at the Waterfowl Unit of The Earl of Chester Hospital following Saturday’s incident at the World Town Crier Tournament. Mrs Emmeline Peckhurst continues to sit by his bedside. Anita Butler has examined the ceremonial handbell and detached clapper involved in the incident and has identified damage inconsistent with accidental failure. She has passed the bell and clapper to the Department for Internal Investigations & Prosecutions for more detailed forensic examination.
🐜 Ant 675’s Mum’s one-woman protest over Moira Sibley’s refusal to give her daughter a second audition for the Chester Station Synchronised Tap & Parasol Ant Dance Company is no longer a one-woman protest. She has now been joined by Ant 675’s aunt, grandmother and 2nd cousin three times removed. Moira Sibley stands by her decision.
🎵 Work on sorting the pipes for the Wee Parasol Cathedral’s replica of Chester Cathedral’s Grand Organ suffered a setback this morning when Cecilia Fortescue FRCOrg, who had forgotten to take an antihistamine for her fur allergy, suffered a sneezing fit beside the sorting table, scattering all 4,864 wee pipes of the wee Grand Organ. Cecilia has asked if there are any non-furry staff members who may be better suited to assist her with the sorting. Unfortunately, the only staff currently available remain the Department for Human Behaviour & Statistical Analysis.
🐜 Wee donation points for the Chester Station Invertebrate Foodbank have now arrived and are being installed around the station. The first donation was received at 8.42am in the form of half a malt loaf. The Department for Invertebrate Welfare is extremely grateful for the generosity but has had to order a Wee Forklift from Wee Forklifts R Us as existing departmental equipment is not suitable for moving such large items.
The Office wishes all a very pleasant day.