Tiggy has reviewed this morning’s departmental reports and is pleased to report that all remains broadly under control.
🥪 The Department for Human Behaviour & Statistical Analysis have admitted that, upon returning from Stoke-on-Trent following their failure of the course ‘Food or Form? Advanced Document Recognition in the Modern Workplace’, they ate the packed lunches belonging to Tiggy’s Feline Sedan Chair Bearers. Harley reports: “We were extremely hungry after being refused breakfast at the hotel, so, upon arriving back in Chester, were delighted to see the delicious-looking packed lunches laid out on Tiggy’s favourite bench. We honestly thought they were a welcome-home surprise to cheer us up after failing the course. We feel terrible, but they did taste much better than paperwork.” Harley has offered the badgers a bag of dry dog food by way of compensation. The badgers have refused.
🗳️ In light of the course failure, the Department remain on paper-free duties. Independent Adjudicator Mrs Constance Pickering is therefore in discussions with North West Temporary Counting & Clerical Services Ltd. regarding the provision of suitable agency staff to count the Employee of the Week (week-ending 12 June) ballot papers.
🐜 This morning’s auditions for the Chester Station Synchronised Tap & Parasol Ant Dance Company were briefly interrupted after Ant No. 675 twisted three ankles attempting a reverse quadruple flip without adequate warm-up. Former Principal Ballerina Moira Sibley said: “Every dancer should know that preparation is everything. To arrive at an audition inadequately warmed up is not only dangerous, it is highly unprofessional.” Ant No. 675 is said to be devastated that she may have compromised her chances of securing a place in the company and is being comforted by Ants Nos. 674 and 676.
🦆 The Duck (you know the one) continues preparations for tomorrow’s World Town Crier Tournament grand finale. Mrs Emmeline Peckhurst reports that his vocal exercises remain audible from her office despite her request that preparations take place as far away from it as possible.
The Office wishes all human subjects and creatures a wonderful day.