Tiggy has reviewed the day’s departmental records and is pleased to report that all remains broadly under control.
🐶 The Department for Human Behaviour & Statistical Analysis returned to Chester this afternoon after their premature departure from the Institute for Canine Statistical Studies following a series of incidents involving the consumption of course materials and subsequent failure of their course, ‘Food or Form? Advanced Document Recognition in the Modern Workplace’. Independent Adjudicator Mrs Constance Pickering has therefore decided to recruit agency staff to count the Employee of the Week (week-ending 12 June) ballot papers. The Department will remain on paper-free duties for the foreseeable future.
🥪 The Department of Internal Investigations & Prosecutions is investigating the disappearance of four packed lunches belonging to Tiggy’s newly appointed Feline Sedan Chair Bearers. The lunches, supplied by Mrs Gladys M. Dillwyn-Llewelyn, were last seen laid out on Tiggy’s favourite bench ready for the badgers’ consumption.
🐜 Tiggy greatly enjoyed watching this afternoon’s auditions for places in the Chester Station Synchronised Tap & Parasol Ant Dance Company. Choreographer Julian Mercer reports that competition for places is extremely strong and that the standard of parasol work has considerably exceeded expectations. A total of 543 individual auditions have now taken place, leaving 14,330 to go.
🐌 Following representations from a considerable number of human subjects, the Department for Official Records & Public Information is reconsidering its decision not to release Mr Phileas Moss Esq’s personal account of yesterday’s inaugural Flying Harness test. A decision is expected tomorrow.
🦆 The Duck (you know the one) has returned from Eastgate Square in exceptionally high spirits following confirmation of his late wildcard entry into the World Town Crier Tournament 2026. Preparations for Saturday’s grand finale have already begun. Mrs Emmeline Peckhurst has requested that these preparations take place as far away from her office as possible.
The Office wishes all human subjects and creatures a very pleasant evening.