From: Emmeline, Interim Assistant Deputy Acting Head of Avian Affairs (Platform 5 Division)
To: Department for Foreign Affairs & International Relations
Sirs/Madams,
I am writing to request a further update regarding the Avian Translation Expert Procurement Mission.
Several days have now elapsed since I was first advised that assistance was being sought. Since that time I have received reports that:
• Enquiries into the existence of an organisation located in the Upton area of Chester are ongoing
• Progress is being made
• Matters are in hand
• Updates will be provided in due course/good time
• Progress remains satisfactory
Whilst these statements are undoubtedly reassuring to somebody, I am presently attempting to administer a multi-national democratic process in which a significant proportion of participants cannot understand the voting instructions (nor, it seems, toileting instructions).
I am therefore, quite literally, at the end of my beak.
I would be grateful if the Department could provide a clear and transparent update as to whether or not it is actually able to procure an avian translation expert.
Should the Department be unable to do so, I shall be submitting Form 56RTOEEEB (Request to Outsource External Enquiries to an External Body) to the Department for Departmental Outsourcing forthwith.
Respectfully,
Emmeline
Interim Assistant Deputy Acting Head of Avian Affairs (Platform 5 Division)
The Office of Tiggy