To the Esteemed Department of Auditing & Financial Compliance,
I write with regard to expenditure incurred during my present assignment to procure an Avian Translation Expert from an organisation believed to be operating in the Upton district of this fine city of Chester or, as the Romans knew it, Deva Victrix (a title derived from the nearby River Dee and the victorious Twentieth Legion). Indeed, whilst being a much-travelled individual, this most stunning and historic city is, I am proud to note, the city of my birth, which was (one rather creakily admits) some years ago now…
It was an unusually hot summer when I, together with my 87 siblings, hatched beneath a vibrant carpet of busy lizzies (Impatiens walleriana) and begonias (Begonia) in Grosvenor Park, shaded by the canopy of a magnificent weeping beech tree (Fagus sylvatica ‘Pendula’), within sight of the statue of Richard Grosvenor, 2nd Marquess of Westminster.
If memory serves, Shakespeare’s Much Ado About Nothing was being performed at the Open Air Theatre that summer. I still recall one particular line: “When I said I would die a bachelor, I did not think I should live till I were married.” which I believe was spoken by Benedick. Alas, despite several romantic dalliances over the years, I remain a confirmed bachelor. One rather suspects, however, that H. L. Mencken may have been correct when he observed, “Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn’t they would be married too.”
Anyway, I digress.
That summer of my birth was, as mentioned, very hot and dry, with a mean temperature of 26 degrees and little rainfall throughout the month of July. While our parents worked (father was a field operative like myself…oh, the tales he could tell), my siblings and I enjoyed wonderful freedom sliding up, down and all around the statue of “Dickie” (as we affectionately called him), enjoying freshly picked leaves from the old oak tree and paddling down by the pond with the waterfowl…oh, what fine times they were, fine times indeed.
Now, if you would please excuse a brief interlude, one finds oneself in need of a comfort break. Upon my return, I shall continue.
Philias Moss Esq.