By Montgomery Burrows
Senior Associate Deputy Investigative Correspondent for Underground & Small Mammal Affairs
Questions surrounding the currently suspended Employee of the Week ballot at Chester Station intensified today after an investigation by The Chester Chronicle uncovered evidence suggesting that the moths at the centre of the ongoing constitutional inquiry may not have been acting of their own free will.
Over the past several days, this newspaper has spoken with numerous small mammals, arachnids and insects currently protesting on Platform 6 in support of extending the vote to all creatures. Multiple eyewitnesses have independently reported an unusually bright light being emitted from behind the ballot box on Platform 5 shortly before voting commenced.
Whilst no conclusions have yet been reached, one cannot help but question the source of this unusually bright light, and whether it was being operated in full knowledge of its likely effect upon nearby moths.
Susan, of The Third Oak on the Left (Union Street Entrance), Grosvenor Park, stated:
“There was nothing natural about the light. It most certainly wasn’t moonlight. It was almost unearthly; the poor moths seemed powerless against it.”
Several witnesses also reported the presence of unidentified rodents, describing themselves as “lighting engineers”, in the vicinity during the hours leading up to the ballot. At present, however, no evidence exists linking those individuals to the light itself, and this newspaper makes no such suggestion.
The Office of Tiggy declined to comment beyond confirming that the constitutional investigation into moths voting as flying mammals remains ongoing. The Office reiterated that no conclusions have yet been reached.
Did you see the light? Share your experiences.