The following is from an interview conducted by the Department of Internal Investigations & Prosecutions (DIIP) with reigning World Town Crier Champion Matthias de Gans, accompanied by his legal representative, Pieter van Klomp.
DIIP: Mr de Gans, could you explain how your partial wing print came to be on Mr Solberg’s bell, the clapper from which inexplicably came loose and seriously wounded the Duck (you know the one)?
DE GANS: Well, I…um…err…
VAN KLOMP: Perhaps it is prudent to point out that the presence of a wing print, partial at that, does not in itself establish that the bell was purposefully touched. Could it not have been that Mr de Gans was stretching his wings by way of warm-up ahead of the competition and simply struck the bell in doing so?
DE GANS: Yes, yes, that was exactly it!
DIIP: Do you have a set warm-up routine, Mr de Gans?
DE GANS: Well…um…not, err…
VAN KLOMP: My client is the reigning World Town Crier Champion, of course he does. It goes like this. [For the record, Mr van Klomp stood up, flapped his wings wildly and honked for two full minutes.]
DIIP: Mr de Gans, was that an accurate rendition of your warm-up?
DE GANS: Well…not…
VAN KLOMP: Of course it was, and it explains how my client’s wing print came to be on Mr Solberg’s bell. Case closed.
DIIP: Mr van Klomp, that, if it were merited, would be my line. Mr de Gans, we’ve not heard much from you…
DE GANS: No, I…um…
VAN KLOMP: Because there is no more to be said.
DIIP: Mr van Klomp, please let your client speak.
DE GANS: Well…um, yes, I must have brushed against the bell while warming up.
DIIP: Mr Solberg says he left his bell unattended only once, at 10.37am, on a table outside the Town Hall toilet while taking a comfort break. Am I to understand that you were warming up at that location at that time?
DE GANS: Yes, yes, I remember now. I was, and my wing struck the bell.
DIIP: Good, now we’re getting somewhere. And the bell, was it handle up or laid flat?
DE GANS: Umm…handle up.
DIIP: So the clapper and the inside weren’t visible?
DE GANS: No.
DIIP: Then how do you explain your partial wing print being found INSIDE the bell?
TBC