Tiggy has reviewed this morning’s departmental reports and is pleased to report that all remains broadly under control.
🦆 The Duck (you know the one) is in intensive care at the Waterfowl Unit of The Earl of Chester Hospital following a serious incident at Saturday’s World Town Crier Tournament grand finale. Shortly before he was due to compete, the clapper from another crier’s ceremonial handbell became detached and struck him on the head. The competition was suspended while he was treated at the scene, before being airlifted to hospital by the North West Avian Air Ambulance Service. His condition is critical.
🐟 Dr Barnaby Wycliffe, Senior Lecturer in Medieval Feline Employment History at the University of Chester, has made a significant discovery regarding Lady Tigridia. Records confirm that both the Freedom of the Cathedral and her annual stipend of twelve herrings, made in recognition of her exceptional rodent-catching abilities, were hereditary. Both privileges were revoked following her conviction for murder in 1556, at which time her stained-glass window in Chester Cathedral was also ordered to be covered. Further research is ongoing.
🎹 Wee Pipes R Us have delivered the first consignment of wee pipes required for the Wee Parasol Cathedral’s replica organs. The Department for Human Behaviour & Statistical Analysis have been drafted in to count and sort the pipes by size. Cecilia Fortescue FRCOrg, Director of Music, has advised the department that tail-wagging and panting around the pipes is strictly prohibited due to the risk of wee pipes becoming scattered.
🐜 Plans for the Chester Station Invertebrate Foodbank are progressing, with Wee Donation Points R Us shortly expected to deliver wee donation points for placement around the station. Biscuit crumbs, seeds, sugar grains and appropriately sized portions of dried fruit will be welcomed.
The office wishes all a very pleasant day.