MORNING REPORT: Tiggy has completed her morning patrol and can confirm that all remains broadly under control.
A number of human subjects have alerted the Office to reports of an armadillo called Stanley who has escaped from a zoo in East Sussex. What is less widely known is that Tiggy has strong ties to the area, having moved from East Sussex to Chester shortly before taking up her current position at Chester Station. Tiggy has confirmed that she does know Stanley, and has appealed for him to return home. Meanwhile, it has been confirmed that the migratory anteaters reported last week travelled via Crewe. Accordingly, all station ants are advised they may cease sheltering in the north transept of their Wee Parasol Cathedral and resume normal operations.
Following mediation by the Duck (you know the one), an agreement has been reached between Mrs Emmeline Peckhurst and the Synchronised Tap & Parasol Dance Troupe audition panel. Under the agreement, Ants Nos. 1–7,342 will complete their outstanding Staff Census forms before auditioning, while Ants Nos. 7,343–14,873 will be permitted to audition before completing their forms. Initial feedback suggests that Ants Nos. 1–7,342 oppose the arrangement.
The Department for Human Behaviour & Statistical Analysis’s work on its elastic-band ball has once again stalled – of the 32 elastic bands Toffee counted on Friday, only 30 can now be found. The canines are investigating whether this was a miscount on Toffee’s part, or whether two elastic bands have indeed gone missing.
Postal voting for Employee of the Week (week ending 12 June) enters its final four days today, with all ballot papers due to be returned by Thursday. Mrs Emmeline Peckhurst has warned the Department for Human Behaviour & Statistical Analysis that their workload is due to increase considerably and they should prepare for a period of serious application.
As a reminder, the candidates are:
Becky – For general services to Tiggy.
Sophie – For services to wardrobe and feline fashion.
Jakub – For services to photography and image management.
Human subjects who have not yet voted may do so in the comments below.