MORNING UPDATE: The Office is pleased to confirm that Tiggy has completed her morning patrol and that all remains broadly under control.
The Staff Census continues, with Mrs Emmeline Peckhurst reporting that a further three members of Health & Safety (Ant Division) have now successfully completed their census forms, bringing the total processed to 12. Mrs Peckhurst sends her personal thanks to the remaining 14,988 ants patiently awaiting their turn and compliments them on being every bit as proficient at standing in line as they are at marching. Hurrah!
Census operations for all other creatures remain suspended pending the recruitment of a Temporary Classification & Taxonomy Officer (Mammals, Insects, Birds & Arachnids). The Office reminds staff that descriptors such as “minute”, “fluffy”, “scaly”, “slimy”, “jumpy”, “lots of legs” and “no legs” are not scientific classifications.
The Department for Foreign Affairs & International Relations has received word from Field Operative Mr Phileas Moss Esq., confirming that he fully understands his revised mission. He is reported to have stated:
“Ah…a Temporary Classification & Taxonomy Officer (Mammals, Insects, Birds & Arachnids). Indeed, one might, given one’s extensive botanical and biological knowledge, have been tempted to apply for such a distinguished position oneself, did one not suffer the lifelong affliction known as wanderlust. Oh, to be content behind a desk! Alas, the open road, with its profusion of flora and abundance of fauna, calls. Upton, here I come!”
Station Rat B remains in custody and continues to assist officers with their enquiries. The whereabouts of Station Rat A remain unknown. He has to date missed 16.5 hours of community service.
Tiggy has now retired for a well-earned morning nap. Staff, passengers and creatures alike are reminded to keep noise to a minimum when in the vicinity of her bed (or whichever location determined to be today’s official nap spot).
The Office wishes all staff, passengers and creatures a pleasant and productive Thursday.