EVENING UPDATE: The Office is pleased to report that Tiggy has completed her evening patrol and that all remains broadly under control.
Despite a slightly bumpy start due to a surprising number of creatures being unable to identify their own scientific species, good progress was nevertheless made in the Staff Census, with the forms of 9 employees from Health & Safety (Ant Division) successfully completed. The remaining 14,991 ants have been thanked for their continued patience.
Following today’s difficulties, Mr Phileas Moss Esq.’s mission has been changed from locating Insect & Avian Translation Experts to instead recruiting a Temporary Classification & Taxonomy Officer (Mammals, Insects, Birds & Arachnids). The Office wishes him every success and looks forward to receiving his first progress report.
Today’s training exercise for the newly recruited carrier pigeons, ‘Ballot Paper Retention Under Adverse Canine Conditions (BPRACC-1)’, was successfully completed, with three of the five trainee carrier pigeons passing the assessment. Two pigeons have regrettably been let go: one because he has a morbid fear of dogs, and the second because she caused Toffee to crash into a litter bin after throwing a discarded apple core at her. The use of missiles was not considered to be in the spirit of the training exercise.
In light of the event, Toffee has been taken off duty to resit Module 34-4a of the Canine Competency Programme: ‘Avoiding Avian Missiles’.
The Department for Law & Justice can confirm that Station Rat B was apprehended this afternoon whilst attempting to negotiate an exchange of one piece of chewing gum and an Off-Peak Standard Single to Manchester Piccadilly for a copy of Rat Weekly magazine in WHSmith. He is now assisting officers with their enquiries. Station Rat A remains at large.
Tiggy has now retired with a box of Dreamies to watch her favourite YouTube channel, ‘Real-Life Rodents in Peril’.