The Office can confirm that Tiggy has completed her final patrol of the working week and that matters once again remain broadly under control.
The Department for Elections & Governance confirms that voting has continued peacefully throughout the day following yesterday’s constitutional clarification. Mrs Emmeline Peckhurst has kindly agreed to work over the weekend to keep voting operations moving. Thank you, Emmeline!
It is confirmed that Station Rat B remains in custody pending further enquiries and the testimony of Station Rat A. It is further confirmed that the Department for Health & Safety (Ant Division) is investigating what health and safety procedures may have been breached during the production of laminated identification documents by an unqualified lamination machine operative.
The Department of Foreign Affairs & International Relations confirms that Field Operative Phileas Moss Esq. continues his mission to locate both an Avian Translation Expert and an Insect Translation Expert from the reported organisation in the Upton area.
The Department for Near Death Experiences advises that the duck involved in the incident with two seagulls, a squirrel and a discarded Greggs bag continues to evangelise. Two commuters reportedly missed the 17:32 service to Euston after mistaking the duck for a member of staff and asking for directions to Platform 4. They subsequently became embroiled in a philosophical debate regarding the existence, or not, of an afterlife, from which they were unable to politely extract themselves.
The Department of Personnel Records & Resource Management reminds all departments that the forthcoming Annual Staff Census remains a statutory requirement. Department heads are encouraged to begin ensuring their records are accurate.
The Office wishes all staff, passengers and members of the wider Chester community a peaceful and enjoyable weekend.