At 14:47, following final inspection of all webbing, attachment points and structural components, the pigeon pilot team commenced lift, raising Mr Moss first to 2.3cm and, upon stabilisation, to the pre-approved flight altitude of 4.27cm.
All proceeded to plan until 5.6 seconds into flight, when a discarded prawn cocktail crisp packet was blown into Pigeon No. 3’s face by a north-westerly wind generated by Pigeon No. 2’s wing. Temporarily blinded, she sharply swung east.
The unplanned manoeuvre swung Mr Moss 1.2% off course and propelled him into a self-perpetuating pendulum motion beneath the pilot team. The resulting force disengaged the harness’s rotational swivel lock, leaving Mr Moss and his body harness rotating independently beneath the flight grip bar. He completed 12.45 rotations before control was regained.
During the rotations, the right Inflight Half-Pint Plinth detached and flew 1.4 metres across The Carriage Shed, coming to rest just touching the left foot of the Duck (you know the one), who had paused his pamphlet reading to watch the inaugural flight.
Immediate remedial action was taken, with Dr Conrad Vesper instructing the piloting team to compensate and right the harness based upon Admiral Gloria Rosso-Venturi’s atmospheric and air-current calculations.
Mr Moss was returned safely to the floor after 11.2 seconds, 2.9 seconds later than scheduled and 1.63 metres from the designated landing point. He reached a maximum altitude of 7.81cm, exceeding the planned test ceiling by 3.54cm.
Mr Moss is being assessed by First Aid but is not thought to have sustained serious injury. Pigeon No. 3 is being treated for shock and has been stood down from flight duties. The Duck’s request for treatment has been denied.
Miles Mercer will modify the rotational swivel coupling and Graham “Chipper” Cartwright the half-pint plinth mounts before further test flights are authorised.
This update should serve as a public reminder that litter is not only unsightly but poses a potentially serious threat to staff and other creatures.
Anita Butler
Senior Risk Assessment Officer
Ant No. 14,351