The Office is pleased to report that Tiggy has completed her morning patrol and that all remains broadly under control.
🐜 The Office is delighted to confirm that twenty-six members of Health & Safety (Ant Division) this morning successfully executed a flawless synchronised quadruple somersault with parasols fully extended, with all ants landing safely and exactly in formation. Unfortunately, no video footage exists as Anita Butler (Ant No. 14,351), who was recording rehearsals for Health & Safety purposes, had been called away moments earlier due to an incident involving the duck (you know the one).
Mrs Emmeline Peckhurst once again reminds the ants that they are civil serv-ants first and performance artists second.
🐶 Toffee will today resit Module HB&SA-14: Attack Simulations – Realism & Excessive Enthusiasm: Where Is the Line? Members of the public who successfully secured observer places using Form HB&SA-OBS/1 are reminded that sausages will not be permitted in The Carriage Shed during the examination and that protective eyewear is strongly recommended.
⚖️ The Department for Procurement confirms that the replacement precision calibration weights from Wee-Weights R Us have arrived. They will now be checked for accuracy by Mr Archibald Webber, Senior Inspector, Department for Standards & Compliance (Sub-Department W: Quality Assurance & Structural Integrity).
🕊️ The Department for Avian Affairs confirms that the two remaining qualified carrier pigeons continue to distribute Employee of the Week ballot papers throughout CH1. Having successfully completed deliveries to the squirrels of Grosvenor Park, they have now turned their attention to the park’s woodlouse population.
Officials acknowledge that progress is slow and that the Employee of the Week vote (week ending 12/6) has now dragged on a little longer than originally anticipated. Ballot paper delivery positions have therefore been opened to any species with suitable delivery experience.
Tiggy has now retired for snacks and naps ahead of an exciting official announcement planned for later today.
The Office wishes all human subjects a pleasant Monday. 🐾