By Montgomery Burrows
Senior Associate Deputy Investigative Correspondent for Underground, Small Mammal & General Station Affairs
Following an unprecedented delay to today’s Office of Tiggy morning report, I attended Chester Station to investigate the cause.
Upon arriving on Platform 5, I discovered Tiggy sitting motionless, apparently completely mesmerised. Further investigation revealed that her attention had been captured by an increasingly elaborate synchronised parasol routine being performed by the ants awaiting the resumption of the Annual Staff Census.
The performances, which have been taking place whilst the ants await the replacement precision calibration weights from Wee-Weights R Us, following the rejection of an earlier shipment, have attracted a steadily growing audience, with many spectators remaining for multiple displays and many rail passengers reportedly missing their trains.
Mrs Emmeline Peckhurst, Interim Assistant Deputy Acting Head of Avian Affairs, Flying Mammals, Staff Census Operations & Postal Ballot Administration, has dismissed suggestions that the ants should apply for Ants Have Talent.
“The ants are here to complete official paperwork, not rehearse for a public performance.” she stated.
Nevertheless, I overheard one squirrel remark that the troupe “would surely have a good chance of reaching the regional heats.”
I asked Tiggy for comment, but she was too engrossed in the performance to respond.
The spectacle has been made possible by the miniature parasols, generously supplied by Wee-Parasols R Us, whose donation has enabled the waiting ants to both remain shaded and turn unexpectedly theatrical.
The Chester Chronicle will, of course, continue to follow this developing story.