EVENING REPORT: The Office can confirm that Tiggy has completed her evening patrol and that all remains broadly under control.
The first day of training for the temporary carrier pigeons recruited to transport ballot papers has been largely successful, with five of the six recruits successfully completing their initial exercises. Unfortunately, the sixth had to be released from duty after boarding a train to Holyhead when he had, in fact, been instructed to fly to Rugby.
Station Rats A & B remain at large. The Department for Law & Justice urges anybody with any information regarding their whereabouts to come forward. Station Rat A was due to complete a further four hours of community service today as part of his sentence for previous offences relating to the creation of counterfeit identification documents for Bat Moths, but failed to attend. Tiggy advises that this has not improved his situation.
For clarification regarding the forthcoming Official Staff Census, the Office strongly agrees that all creatures are entirely free to have any religion, or none at all, as they choose. It is merely asked that such matters are recorded accurately. After all, in the 2001 UK Census, 390,127 humans identified themselves as Jedi, making it ‘apparently’ the fourth-largest religion in England and Wales. The Department for Human Behaviour & Statistical Analysis is simply keen to avoid similar silliness in the Official Staff Census. Tiggy is, however, rather keen to procure her own lightsaber.
Finally, following the release earlier today of historical footage showing Tiggy becoming rather too acquainted with a pint glass, the Department for We Pardon You Tiggy has issued a full and unconditional pardon. Tiggy has explained that the incident was, in fact, a carefully planned practical demonstration entitled “Glass Safety Awareness: What Not To Do.”
Anita Butler of the Department for Health & Safety (Ant Division) said: “It is clear that Tiggy possessed a prodigious aptitude for health & safety training at a remarkably young age. We should be proud to have such a leader. This video has been reclassified as official training material.”