The Office is pleased to report that Tiggy has completed her morning patrol and that matters remain broadly under control.
The recruitment of carrier pigeons to help Emmeline manage the postal ballot is now well underway, with six pigeons beginning their initial training today. As part of this, they will spend the day delivering and collecting blank pieces of paper around the station. Passengers and station staff are requested to simply accept the pieces of paper as though they were expecting them should a pigeon attempt delivery.
Please be reminded that the Official Staff Census will commence on Platform 5 tomorrow. Creatures will be called up in alphabetical order by species to complete their forms. Staff are reminded that they must answer all census questions honestly and that “Jedi” is not a registered religion. Recording this will compromise the integrity of our data collection and prevent the accurate allocation of departmental budgets (for example, those relating to specific spiritual or secular dietary requirements).
The Department for Law & Justice continues to investigate the counterfeit Station Street Food Vendor’s Licence (SSFVL) issued to the fox. Officers remain keen to identify the two individuals who falsely claimed to be authorised Food Safety Examiners. The Office reminds all creatures that genuine inspectors are required to carry photographic identification at all times and do not issue on-the-spot fines requiring immediate cash payment.
The Office is pleased to report that, during yesterday’s shift, Toffee successfully identified three boxes of census forms, one empty cardboard box and correctly left a parcel of pamphlets belonging to the duck (you know the one) exactly where she found it. The duck is reminded that printed material should not be delivered directly to the station.
The Department for First Aid reports that the millipede continues to make encouraging progress, with another two legs reaching full mobility. At this rate, physiotherapists estimate he will be walking normally in exactly 25 days.
The Office wishes all staff, passengers and creatures a productive Tuesday.