The Office can confirm that Tiggy has now completed her evening patrol and that everything remains broadly under control.
The Department for Media & Correspondence has been made aware of unauthorised filming of Tiggy today. Human Subjects are reminded that the correct procedure requires the offering of treats BEFORE any recording commences. Failure to comply may result in placement upon the Official Office Register of Observed Humans. This applies to all humans, INCLUDING TIGGY’S (SO-CALLED) ‘OWNER’.
The Department for Health & Safety (Ant Division) is still seeking eyewitnesses to the incident involving a badger, a vole, two butterflies, a blue tit and a protest placard. Passengers are further advised that the duck involved in the incident involving two seagulls, a squirrel, a duck and a discarded Greggs bag has, since being brushed on the wing by an airborne vole, become even more zealous in spreading his philosophy on the afterlife. The Office continues to advise against encouraging him.
The Department for Community Rat Rehabilitation reports that Rat A has now completed his first 6 hours of compulsory community service cleaning Platform 5. Avian voters are respectfully requested not to ‘bomb’ him whilst he is working. The Office can confirm that 19.5 FPPNs (Fixed Penalty Pooping Notices) were issued today.
The Department for Elections & Governance advises that voting on Platform 5 remains suspended following Miss Emmeline Peckhurst’s resignation. The Office can confirm that her resignation has not yet been accepted by Tiggy. Further announcements will be made in due course.
Tiggy has now retired for supper, sleep and snacks… followed by additional sleep and, should circumstances permit, more snacks.