Before we begin, I should like to remind all that a successful patrol, like any expedition of consequence, begins with a well-rested and well-equipped traveller, as I learnt to my detriment during an arduous assignment in the Erg Chebbi dunes, where I found myself sheltering from the tyrannical Saharan sun beneath the label of a discarded bottle of Orangina – a perilous predicament with which, while I believe I have previously furnished you the bones, I have not fully expanded upon…
I was travelling with a most agreeable dung beetle (Scarabaeus satyrus) named Idris and we had stopped at dusk for a modest tagine supper in Merzouga, with the intention of retiring early and recommencing our journey before sunrise. However, by coincidence, several acquaintances of Idris happened to be frequenting the very establishment we had chosen, one of whom produced a liquor distilled from dates which it would, of course, have been most discourteous to refuse…
By 2:30 a.m., Idris was demonstrating celestial navigation from an upturned terracotta pot whilst I was engaged in a traditional Berber dance with a Barbary ground squirrel (Atlantoxerus getulus), a darkling beetle (Tenebrionidae) and Youssef, a fine young gentleman from Ouarzazate.
It was only when the first fiery fronds of the rising sun reflected across the dunes ahead that Idris and I abruptly came to our senses and realised that we should long have been upon our way.
We hastily gathered our belongings and set off, hopeful that the fearsome desert might look favourably upon two weary wayfarers.
This was an error.
Before long the sun was but a golden tyrant, taunting two dehydrated and sleep-deprived travellers with shimmering mirages – oh, how tantalisingly did the water dance upon the horizon, forever beyond our reach!
Thankfully, Idris spotted the Orangina label, which we hastily employed as a bivouac beneath which we remained for three long days and nights until…
Ah, it seems my engineering team have completed their safety checks on my Travelling Trolley – I am being beckoned to alight.
Please excuse me, my story shall have to wait…