Mrs Peckhurst regrets that she has been unable to complete Tiggy’s morning patrol, largely due to the Duck (you know the one), who appointed himself Assistant Temporary Morning Patrol Officer and challenged her interpretation of “broadly under control” at every turn.
Health & Safety (Ant Division) remain on strike inside their Wee Parasol Cathedral while it is still unclear how many complete Six-Foot Professional Sets and Standard Four-Foot Dancing Sets there are, and so how many places are available in the Synchronised Tap & Parasol Dance Troupe. Mrs Peckhurst considered this broadly under control, but the Duck pointed out that, as she was conducting Tiggy’s patrol instead of attempting to get through to Wee Tap Shoes R Us on their Wee telephone lines, it could not possibly be broadly under control.
The Department for Human Behaviour & Statistical Analysis continues preparing for the Employee of the Week ballot count while awaiting the arrival of the adjudicator. Mrs Peckhurst considered this broadly under control. The Duck pointed out that, as Postal Ballot Administrator, she should currently be overseeing preparations rather than conducting Tiggy’s patrol, once again meaning it could not be considered broadly under control.
Mrs Peckhurst then determined that a pigeon carrying half a sausage roll was broadly under control. The Duck asked how she could conclude this when the whereabouts of the other half of the sausage roll – and its packaging – remained unknown. He further asked whether she would have reached the same conclusion had the pigeon been a duck.
The Duck then proposed that a Morning Patrol Subcommittee should be established to determine precisely how broad “broadly” is. At this point, Mrs Peckhurst tendered her resignation from Morning Patrol duties. She remains Interim Assistant Deputy Acting Head of Avian Affairs, Flying Mammals, Staff Census & Postal Ballot Administration (Platforms 5/6).
Mr Phileas Moss Esq. has volunteered to conduct tomorrow’s patrol on his Travelling Trolley. The Office has accepted his offer and wishes him all the best.
At this time, it remains unclear whether or not all is broadly under control.