Tiggy has completed her evening patrol and is pleased to report that all remains broadly under control.
A number of applications have been received from prospective members of the engineering team for Mr Moss’s harness. Applicants are reminded that experience in aeronautical engineering, lightweight load-bearing structures and/or molluscan passenger transport is required. A minimum Level 2 National Qualification in Applied Avian Propelled Flight Mechanics (NQ-AAPFM), or equivalent, is desirable.
A number of time-wasting applications have been received. Please note: GCSE Design & Technology and extensive experience of Microsoft Flight Simulator are not valid qualifications for the position.
The Department of Custodial Affairs has confirmed that Station Rat A is currently due for release on 8 September, having almost completed his 34-day custodial sentence. Arrangements are being made for his outstanding community service order to recommence upon release.
Station Rat B, meanwhile, remains under investigation by the Department of Internal Investigations & Prosecutions (DIIP) in connection with the missing Standard Issue Wee Parasols and continues to assist officers with their enquiries.
Efforts within Human Behaviour & Statistical Analysis to construct an elastic-band ball have continued with enthusiasm, but little success. The department has therefore gone to the racecourse to play with Pepper BSc (Hons), FICSA, Special Adviser for Advanced Statistical Analysis’s favourite tennis ball.
The Duck (you know the one) has begun preliminary discussions regarding the disagreement between Mrs Emmeline Peckhurst and the Synchronised Tap & Parasol Dance Troupe judging panel. Mrs Peckhurst wishes it to be recorded that she remains opposed to the mediation, the mediator and, increasingly, the entire concept of dancing.
Chris Holder has very kindly provided the Office with pictures of three of Tiggy’s birthday presents from Mrs Gladys M. Dillwyn-Llewelyn. Tiggy is particularly pleased with the likeness captured in her porcelain figurine.
Socks has spent much of the day assigntuijfhh Tiggy’s personal private sectraryy with gsofjfj business. She is pdoagjsirucarly keen on tyeping.
The Office wishes all human subjects a pleasant evening.