The Office can confirm that formal discussions between Tiggy and Mr Bernard Thistlethwaite, NUAE Regional Case Officer (Cheshire West), regarding Mrs Peckhurst’s workload and staffing requirements have now concluded.
Tiggy accepts that the recent expansion of Mrs Peckhurst’s responsibilities – to include both administration of the Staff Census on Platform 5 and the postal ballot for the ongoing Employee of the Week vote – has created an unreasonable workload for one pigeon.
During negotiations, Mr Thistlethwaite proposed a solution.
During yesterday’s tour of Chester Station, Mr Thistlethwaite spent some considerable time observing an individual demonstrating exceptional confidence in addressing large groups, an ability to make himself heard across considerable distances and apparently limitless enthusiasm for issuing instructions to others.
He also already possesses his own microphone and PA system, which will be vital to success in the role.
Mr Thistlethwaite therefore recommended that the duck (you know the one) be appointed to assist Mrs Peckhurst with management of the Staff Census queue, with responsibilities to include:
maintaining an orderly queue on Platform 5;
issuing instructions and announcements via PA system;
preventing unauthorised tapping, pirouetting and other rehearsal activity amongst waiting ants;
ensuring all Ant Division employees attending the Staff Census are in possession of their Standard Issue Wee Parasols; and
ensuring the continuous and orderly progression of employees towards the Census Desk.
Following a brief discussion, the duck has been offered and has accepted the position with immediate effect.
Mrs Peckhurst is currently out delivering postal ballots, but will be informed upon her return. The Office trusts that she will be suitably pleased with the appointment.
Mr Thistlethwaite has now returned to the @chesterstationtap to enjoy a pint of Slow Life ale with Mr Phileas Moss Esq.