Timeline of Events
1. Tiggy relinquishes the title
Having retained the title of Employee of the Week for seventeen consecutive weeks, Tiggy concluded that it was appropriate to open the award to the wider workforce.
Becky, Jakub and Sophie were duly nominated.
2. Public voting opens
Following an extended nap necessitated by a pigeon-related incident on Platform 7, Tiggy became temporarily unavailable to announce the winner.
In the interests of administrative efficiency, the Office instead opened the vote to members of the public.
3. The Platform 5 protest
Mrs Emmeline Peckhurst commenced a hunger strike and attached herself to the railings on Platform 5 in protest at the continued enforcement of the Avian Representation Act 1996, which prevented birds from participating in the democratic process.
4. The Avian Representation Act is repealed
Coincidentally occurring on the 98th anniversary of the death of Emmeline Pankhurst (the two events being entirely unrelated), Tiggy repealed the Avian Representation Act 1996 with immediate effect.
Birds were thereafter permitted to vote.
5. Emmeline assumes responsibility for the Avian Ballot
Mrs Peckhurst accepted appointment as Interim Assistant Deputy Acting Head of Avian Affairs (Platform 5 Division).
Her responsibilities included the distribution of ballot papers, oversight of lawful avian voting procedures and general management of the Platform 5 polling station.
6. Platform 6 demonstrations
Following the extension of voting rights to birds, small mammals, arachnids and insects assembled on Platform 6, arguing that they too should be permitted to vote.
The demonstrations continue to this day.
7. Montgomery Burrows raises constitutional questions
Montgomery Burrows, Senior Associate Deputy Investigative Correspondent for Underground and Small Mammal Affairs, The Chester Chronicle, publicly questioned whether Mrs Peckhurst had forgotten her roots by opposing further extensions to the franchise.
He also reminded the Office of Mrs Peckhurst’s now-famous protest slogan:
“Two wings, two feet, fly or float, one vote, one vote, one vote!”
8. The Flying Mammal Decision
Following extensive constitutional discussions with Luther, Independent Senior Adviser for Constitutional & Strategic Matters, Tiggy considered the implications of Mrs Peckhurst’s published voting criteria.
Having determined that bats possess both two wings and two feet, and therefore satisfied the constitutional test established during the protest, Tiggy ruled that they were constitutionally entitled to participate in the ballot.
9. Emmeline Resigns
Following the extension of voting rights to bats, Mrs Emmeline Peckhurst tendered her resignation, citing an unsustainable increase in workload.
In addition to managing the Avian Ballot on Platform 5, Mrs Peckhurst had become responsible for overnight bat voting whilst continuing to oversee the ongoing demonstrations on Platform 6.
Matters were further complicated by group-wide low morale within the Department for Human Behaviour & Statistical Analysis following the loss of Pepper BSc (Hons), FICSA’s tennis ball. As a consequence, the Department was unable to provide its anticipated statistical analysis of overnight Flying Mammal voting.
10. Emmeline is promoted
Following careful consideration and in recognition of her outstanding service during the recent constitutional challenges affecting Platforms 5 and 6, Tiggy announced Emmeline’s promotion from Interim Assistant Deputy Acting Head of Avian Affairs (Platform 5 Division) to Interim Assistant Deputy Acting Head of Avian Affairs & Flying Mammals (Platform 5/6 Division).
Voting recommenced.
11. Statistical irregularities emerge
Routine post-election analysis by the Department for Human Behaviour & Statistical Analysis identified an unexpected anomaly.
A number of individuals recorded as participating in the Flying Mammal vote appeared, upon closer inspection, to be moths rather than bats.
The Employee of the Week ballot was immediately suspended pending investigation.
12. The mysterious light
During the ensuing investigation, Montgomery Burrows reported observing a mysterious light emanating from behind the ballot box on Platform 5.
The report prompted further enquiries by the Department for Elections & Governance.
13. The Lighting Engineers
Two station rats, who identified themselves as “Lighting Engineers”, were interviewed by Tiggy.
Both admitted installing the light behind the ballot box but denied interfering with the democratic process.
Instead, they stated that the illumination had been intended solely to alert a “constitutionally eligible group” to the existence of the vote.
The identity of that group remains the subject of ongoing investigation.