It’s been a long 17 weeks, which have included: Mrs Peckhurst attaching herself to the railings in protest of the Avian Representation Act 1996; the repeal of said Act resulting in full avian suffrage; further protests and demonstrations; voting reform; bat moths; even more protests and reforms eventually resulting in voting rights for all animals and insects; the introduction of postal voting; counting and recounting; disciplinary proceedings, and, most recently, the appointment of a tortoise, hare and hummingbird counting team.
But FINALLY, an official adjudicator from the North West Electoral Standards & Verification Board has certified the results.
And, in a development nobody could have anticipated, ALL THREE CANDIDATES HAVE RECEIVED EXACTLY THE SAME NUMBER OF VOTES:
🏆 SOPHIE: 10,483,726 and 2/8ths votes
🏆 BECKY: 10,483,726 and 2/8ths votes
🏆 JAKUB: 10,483,726 and 2/8ths votes
Under Statutory Electoral Regulation 7ETY6c(ii), a three-way tie requires all three candidates to be declared joint winners. The Office therefore extends its warmest congratulations to Sophie, Becky and Jakub. They will each receive a personalised commemorative mug in recognition of their absolutely astonishing achievement!
The Office also wishes to express its gratitude to Mrs Peckhurst, Mrs Pickering and the entire counting and verification team for their efforts over the past 17 weeks, and also to all staff at Chester Station who show Tiggy so much love and affection.
Additionally, readers may recall that, for the 17 weeks preceding the introduction of this ballot, Tiggy had, as a matter of course, appointed herself Employee of the Week each week. In light of the considerable administrative burden arising from the introduction of democracy, Tiggy has concluded that it would be prudent to return to the previous system, or ‘TIGGTOTALITARIANISM’ if you will.
The Office would therefore also like to extend its heartiest congratulations to the Employee of the Week for the week ending 9 October 2026:
🏆 TIGGY! 🏆
Tiggy will not be awarded a mug as her name is already on everything.