Tiggy has reviewed this morning’s departmental records and is pleased to report that all remains broadly under control.
🦆 Following forensic examination, a partial goose print has been found on Hindrik Solberg’s ceremonial handbell. Investigators are now working to establish whose print this is and whether it may be connected to Saturday’s incident in which the Duck (you know the one) was struck by the bell’s clapper. He remains in a coma at the Waterfowl Unit of The Earl of Chester Hospital, with Mrs Emmeline Peckhurst continuing her bedside vigil.
🗳️ Mrs Constance Pickering reports that the tortoise, hare and hummingbird supplied by North West Temporary Counting & Clerical Services Ltd continue to make exceptional progress in the counting of the Employee of the Week postal ballots, although she stresses that no result will be declared until every ballot has been checked, verified and checked again.
🪑 The Department for Vehicular Licensing & Animal Conveyance (DVLAC) has finalised the formal carrying examination for Tiggy’s Feline Sedan Chair. As a team, the badgers will be asked to demonstrate safe lifting and lowering, controlled cornering, emergency stopping and the ability to maintain momentum without exceeding the designated maximum carrying speed of 3mph. In the interests of safety, Tiggy will not be permitted to occupy the chair during testing. To ensure the examination remains realistic, Mrs Gladys M. Dillwyn-Llewelyn has offered to craft a life-size, exact, poseable replica of Tiggy from felt, kapok and wire to occupy the chair during the exam. This offer has been accepted.
🐜 Ant 675’s Mum has confirmed that plans for a rival synchronised tap and parasol troupe are now being actively drawn up. She is understood to be printing leaflets calling for expressions of interest following Moira Sibley’s continued refusal to grant her daughter a second audition. Meanwhile, 1,127 ants have now completed their auditions for the official troupe. In the interests of fairness, no places are to be offered until all ants wishing to audition have had the opportunity to do so.
The Office wishes all human subjects a wonderful day.