Tiggy has completed her morning patrol and is pleased to report that all remains broadly under control.
Phileas Moss Esq. has submitted his statement concerning the discovery of hundreds of Standard Issue Wee Parasols inside his Travelling Tote. The Department of Internal Investigations & Prosecutions (DIIP) is considering his detailed report.
In the meantime he, his Travelling Tote and his Travelling Trolley remain at the Chester Station Tap where work continues on designing his flying harness. Anita Butler, Ant No. 14,351, is expected to submit her preliminary safety assessment of the scheme shortly.
Following Toffee’s count of 214.5 of 217 paperclips, Harley, Head of Human Behaviour & Statistical Analysis, has accepted her request for something harder to count and issued her with a box of elastic bands. Toffee has asked how many there are and has been advised that determining the total herself is the purpose of the exercise. She has expressed some surprise at this. She has also been reminded that she will need to stop counting these when the first Employee of the Week postal ballot papers begin to be returned, which is expected to be this week.
Auditions for the Synchronised Tap & Parasol Dance Troupe have resumed. Mrs Emmeline Peckhurst has reiterated that no ant may audition until their Staff Census form has been completed. The judging panel has reiterated that Mrs Peckhurst has no jurisdiction over auditions. Several thousand ants are understood to be dithering between auditioning and completing their census forms since they are unable to establish which reiteration takes precedence.
The Duck (you know the one)’s address regarding the importance of following rules spanned a significant portion of the Bank Holiday weekend. The Office would like to apologise to passengers for any delays the gathered crowds may have caused. The Duck has not reached any firm conclusions as to precisely when movement becomes dance, but appears to have a firm handle upon the nature of reality itself.
Mrs Peckhurst requests that everyone refrain from asking whether she had a restful Bank Holiday.
The Office wishes all human subjects a wonderful Tuesday.