The Departments for Law & Justice and Health & Safety (Ant Division) can now confirm that this morning’s incident on Platform 5 occurred after Toffee mistakenly identified a box of informational pamphlets produced by the duck (yes… that one) as official Staff Census literature. Believing she was assisting preparations for the forthcoming census, she placed the box on top of the currently out-of-use ballot box.
Upon seeing this, the duck attempted to retrieve his property. Unfortunately, Toffee, believing the pamphlets to be official Office documents, leapt up to prevent what she mistakenly believed to be a theft. During the resulting struggle, the duck lost his balance and fell from the ballot box, sending both himself and several hundred pamphlets flying across Platform 5.
In the ensuing mêlée, a field mouse sustained minor tail bruising and a millipede strained 52 legs. First Aid is pleased to report that the field mouse has gone home to recuperate, while the millipede is on bed rest pending the procurement of additional crutches.
When asked for comment, the duck stated:
“If this is not a sign that my message should be spread far and wide, I don’t know what is. I am, in fact, grateful to Toffee for providing such clear confirmation that I am indeed waddling the right path through life.”
Toffee has since been taken off duty to resit training course MHB-01, “Read the Label First: Safe Identification and Relocation of Boxes.” Successful completion of the course will be required before she resumes duties.
The Office trusts this concludes the matter and respectfully reminds all personnel to read the labels on boxes before relocating them. Ducks are also reminded that literature unrelated to Official Office business should not be delivered to the station.
Statement issued jointly by the Departments for Law & Justice and Health & Safety (Ant Division)