The Office is pleased to report that Tiggy has completed her morning patrol and that all remains broadly under control.
The Department for Health & Wellbeing advises that Tiggy appears to be making a gradual recovery from her post-Dillwyn Manor holiday blues. Whilst she still pauses from time to time to gaze wistfully into the middle distance, she reportedly accepted breakfast this morning with no muttering about the absence of silver service and vintage tuna water.
The Department for Law & Justice confirms that the Court continues to deliberate following yesterday’s proceedings concerning Station Rats A and B. Yesterday’s defence testimonies have given pause for thought, with responses from the watching crowd including:
“Poor Rat B just wanted to make his Mum proud, don’t take her son away from her, he’s a good boy really.”
“Never believe Rats! They are just manipulating the judge.”
“Tiggy, these rats are better lawyers than most humans!”
The precision miniature weights from Wee-Weights R Us are expected to arrive this afternoon. Mrs Emmeline Peckhurst has already prepared the necessary paperwork to ensure the Staff Census resumes smoothly upon their arrival. The ants continue to queue with remarkable discipline – well, they are British.
The Employee of the Week postal ballot operation continues throughout the CH1 district. Mrs Peckhurst has personally undertaken deliveries to several outstanding squirrel households after it transpired that one carrier pigeon had failed to complete his allocated route. An internal investigation established that the omission occurred after the pigeon made what witnesses described as “a panicked vertical departure, with papers flying in all directions,” upon encountering an alarmingly enthusiastic golden retriever. The pigeon subsequently refused to come down from the head of the Statue of Richard Grosvenor, 2nd Marquess of Westminster for forty-five minutes. The pigeon in question has been removed from duty pending a retake of Module BPRACC-2: Maintaining Professional Composure in the Presence of Canines.
The Office wishes human subjects and creatures alike a productive and enjoyable day.