MORNING UPDATE: The Office is pleased to report that Tiggy has completed her morning patrol and that all remains broadly under control.
Tiggy’s weekend at Mrs Gladys M. Dillwyn-Llewelyn’s manor in Penybont was most agreeable and included bird watching, sun-bathing and extensive fuss. The dining menu was exquisite, with a highlight being the dinner of hand-shredded Welsh pheasant breast simmered in rich duck broth and finished with cold-pressed wild salmon oil that was presented upon her arrival (prepared by Mrs Dillwyn-Llewelyn herself). Tiggy was also delighted to be shown around Mrs Dillwyn-Llewelyn’s craft studio, which contains a number of works in progress featuring Tiggy.
Mrs Emmeline Peckhurst is pleased to report that a further seven members of Health & Safety (Ant Division) completed their Official Staff Census over the weekend, bringing the total processed to 25. Mrs Peckhurst has noted that processing remains somewhat slow due to each ant having to demonstrate how much it can carry. The current method requires each ant to lift as many fellow ants as possible, which unfortunately leaves the queue thoroughly discombobulated and yesterday resulted in a workplace incident when Ant No. 14,981 attempted to lift more than her capabilities.
To improve efficiency, the Department for Procurement has authorised the purchase of a set of officially calibrated miniature weights from ‘Wee-Weights R Us’. It is hoped this will allow carrying capacity to be assessed more accurately, quickly and safely.
The Department for Health & Occupational Safety is pleased to report that the millipede who injured 52 legs during the incident involving Toffee, a duck (you know the one), a box of pamphlets, a butterfly and a millipede has, following intensive physiotherapy, now made an excellent recovery. Medical staff have confirmed that he is now only in need of six pairs of crutches and has returned to work on seated duties.
The First Aid Office confirms it is no longer experiencing a crutch shortage. This should not, however, be interpreted as an invitation to sustain avoidable limb injuries, which remains discouraged.
The Office wishes all a wonderful day.