To: Emmeline, Assistant Deputy Acting Head of Avian Affairs (Platform 5 Division)
Cc: The Office of Tiggy, Principal Private Secretary to Tiggy
From: Harley, Head of Department for Human Behaviour & Statistical Analysis
Dear Emmeline,
Firstly, please accept my sincerest apologies for the continued delay in providing the Department’s statistical analysis regarding the overnight flying mammal voting operations.
Unfortunately, yesterday afternoon Pepper BSc (Hons), FICSA*, Special Adviser for Advanced Statistical Analysis, misplaced her favourite tennis ball.
Given the gravity of the situation, Buzz (Senior Human Behaviour Analyst), Toffee (Junior Data Acquisition Officer) and I took the decision to suspend all analytical work whilst the Department undertook a coordinated recovery operation.
Regrettably, despite extensive searches yesterday afternoon and again throughout this morning, Pepper’s tennis ball remains missing.
Whilst we fully appreciate the importance of the outstanding report, the Department does not currently believe morale to be at a level conducive to the production of reliable statistical analysis.
Accordingly, I must respectfully request an extension until Monday in order to complete our findings.
I trust you will appreciate the exceptional circumstances.
Kind regards,
Harley
Head of the Department of Human Behaviour & Statistical Analysis
*FICSA – Fellow of the Institute of Canine Statistical Analysis