Tiggy has reviewed this morning’s departmental records and is pleased to report that all remains broadly under control.
🦆 The Department for Internal Investigations & Prosecutions has established that the clapper that struck the Duck (you know the one) during the World Town Crier Finale came from the ceremonial handbell of Hindrik Solberg, a Norwegian lemming representing Stokmarknes. As the bell’s owner, Mr Solberg has been asked to attend the Office to assist with enquiries. He is not currently under direct suspicion, but investigators are keen to establish who else may have had access to the bell. The Duck remains in a coma at the Waterfowl Unit of The Earl of Chester Hospital, with Mrs Emmeline Peckhurst by his bedside.
🗳️ The tortoise, hare and hummingbird supplied by North West Temporary Counting & Clerical Services Ltd have reported for duty and are due to begin counting the Employee of the Week postal ballots this morning. Independent adjudicator Mrs Constance Pickering has admitted to some initial reservations about the suitability of the team, but has been assured by the agency that the three have worked together previously and are regarded as one of its most efficient counting units in the North West.
🪑 Work has begun on implementing the safety recommendations contained in Anita Butler’s risk assessment for Tiggy’s Feline Sedan Chair. A seat belt and speedometer to ensure that the designated maximum carrying speed of 3mph is not exceeded are to be fitted. Health & Safety (Ant Division) is also devising a formal carrying test which each badger will be required to pass before being permitted to convey Tiggy.
🐜 Ant 675’s Mum’s protest over Moira Sibley’s refusal to grant her daughter a second audition continues on the window ledge adjacent to the bicycle racks. She remains accompanied by Ant 675’s aunt, grandmother and second cousin three times removed. The family have today brought folding chairs and picnic supplies and say they will not move until Ant 675 is granted a second audition. Moira Sibley has also confirmed that she will not be moving on the matter.
The Office wishes all a very pleasant day.