The Office regrets to report that Day Two of the Department for Human Behaviour & Statistical Analysis’s residential course, ‘Food or Form? Advanced Document Recognition in the Modern Workplace’, has not gone entirely according to plan.
Following last night’s disagreement with the hotel regarding whether members of the Department should be classified as employees or pets, the Department slept on the reception floor and were subsequently refused access to the breakfast bar.
Nevertheless, at 09:00, all members of the Department but Pepper reported for training at the Institute for Canine Statistical Studies. Pepper arrived at 09:12, having returned to the hotel after realising that she had left her favourite tennis ball in reception.
At 09:35, the Department successfully completed the morning’s written exam entitled ‘Food vs Administrative Documentation: Principles of Olfactory Differentiation’.
At 09:52, Toffee consumed the official answer key for the exam.
Unfortunately, matters deteriorated further during the morning’s practical assessment.
At 09:57, Buzz ate her task sheet.
At 10:03, a laminated flowchart entitled ‘IS THIS FOOD? A PRACTICAL GUIDE’ was found partially consumed beneath a table.
At 10:08, the Course Register disappeared.
At 10:12, an Incident Report Form was issued following the disappearance of the Course Register.
At 10:14, the Incident Report Form detailing the disappearance of the Course Register disappeared.
At 10:17, Course Director, Professor Helen Muzzlesworth, suspended the practical assessment pending an investigation into the whereabouts of the Course Register, Incident Report Form, and remaining section of the laminated flowchart.
At 10:19, Professor Muzzlesworth left the classroom briefly to photocopy a set of Academic Misconduct Report Forms.
At 10:22, she returned to find the Department beneath her desk fighting over the torn-up pages of Harley’s copy of the course handbook. The entire Department were failed on the spot and asked to leave the premises.
The dogs are currently on the 12:00 train from Stoke-on-Trent, which is due to arrive in Chester at 13:06.
Tiggy understands that they are very ashamed…and hungry.