FORMAL NOTICE REGARDING CURRENT WORKING CONDITIONS
To: Tiggy, Chief Rat Catcher & Inspector of Human Behaviour
Cc: The Office of Tiggy
Dear Tiggy,
Further to our meeting yesterday, I wish to formally record my concerns regarding my role as Interim Assistant Deputy Acting Head of Avian Affairs, Flying Mammals, Staff Census & Postal Ballot Administration (Platforms 5/6 Division).
Since originally accepting a position as Interim Assistant Deputy Acting Head of Avian Affairs (Platform 5 Division), with the simple responsibilities of distributing ballot papers and overseeing lawful voting procedures in the Employee of the Week avian vote, I have acquired responsibility for:
🦇 flying mammals;
📋 the Staff Census;
🗳️ Employee of the Week postal voting, which this weekend, due to the unavailability of qualified carrier pigeons, involved the personal delivery of ballot papers throughout CH1 (which I would respectfully point out is a large postcode district and not a platform).
Administration of the Staff Census has not been at all straightforward. While the ants initially demonstrated exemplary queue discipline, having discovered a passion for dance, they now require constant reminders that the census queue is not an appropriate location for synchronised tap dancing; that reverse triple somersaults with double parasol deployment/retraction are prohibited; and that Standard Issue Wee Parasols should not be left unattended. This is not to mention the sticky residue left by the thousands of sugar granules being consumed daily as ‘energy snacks’, adding to the ongoing issue of certain avian factions, despite my many notices, continuing to use Platform 5 as a public convenience.
My workload is wholly unreasonable and beyond the capabilities of one pigeon.
I therefore request appropriate administrative support (long since promised but not forthcoming) before any further species, geographical areas or dance-related responsibilities are added to my remit.
Respectfully,
Mrs Emmeline Peckhurst
Interim Assistant Deputy Acting Head of Avian Affairs, Flying Mammals, Staff Census & Postal Ballot Administration (Platforms 5/6 Division)
The Office of Tiggy 🐾